BDSM 101

Congratulations. You’ve found the exciting world of BDSM. Perhaps you read about it in a book, saw it in a video, or heard about it from some friends. Something about it intrigued you, whether it was just a few days ago or years ago, and now you’re looking for more. Before we get into the “how-to” of specific activities you may have heard of or witnessed, let’s start with the basics. What is BDSM?

BDSM is the name for a lifestyle that most relate to bondage, sex, and pain. It actually breaks down into being Bondage and Discipline (B&D), Dominance and Submission (D/s), and Sadism and Masochism (S&M). Essentially, BDSM is a shortened version of BDDSSM, because who wants to feel like they’re stuttering when they speak? While BDSM covers as an umbrella term for all of those activities, they aren’t necessarily all done or related to each other by those involved in the lifestyle. Here’s how the parts break down.

Bondage deals with physical restraints. Whether that means leather cuffs, rope, silk ties, or whatever other binding method one might choose, it all relates back to physically restraining someone.

Discipline relates to the psychological restrictions. While rope and other such implements may bind the body, discipline is meant to control the actions of a person through behavior adjustments. Some examples of such may be rules for how to behave in public and the consequences for following or not following those rules. An easier example for some is to think back to how a child may be disciplined by their parent.

Dominance and Submission both deal with the receiving or giving of power over a person. Dominance, is the receiving of power (which makes that person the dominant partner); and Submission is the giving of power (from the submissive partner). There are a wide variety of titles on both the dominant and submissive side of the relationship, each of which are specific to a person’s preferences. Lastly, there is another title for those who like to be on both ends of the “power exchange” called being a Switch.

Sadism and Masochism, like Dominance and Submission, deal with two ends of a spectrum, but instead of it being “power exchange” this spectrum deals with pain. Masochists enjoy receiving pain and Sadists enjoy causing pain. Again, there are those who enjoy both sides. Those people are Sadomasochists.

Top, Bottom, and Switch are terms used to describe the position someone is in during a scene. The “Top” for a scene is the person doing the activity to the other person (tying them up, for example). The “Bottom” for a scene is the person having the activity done to them (being tied). As with the situation with dominance and submission, Switches in this case enjoy both topping and bottoming.

It is fairly common for most to assume that the dominant partner will always be the Top/ Sadist, thus making the submissive partner the Bottom/ Masochist. Though commonly expected, this isn’t always the case. There are domiants who are masochistic, submissives who are sadistic, and just about every other mixture you could possibly put together.

I know that last part can get a bit confusing, so this might make things a little easier:

• Dominant, Submissive, and Switch – Have to do the with power exchange in the relationship between people

• Sadist, Masochist, and Sadomasochist – Have to do with the giving or receiving of pain

• Top, Bottom, and Switch – Have to do with the role someone takes during a specific scene

o   Yes “Switch” gets used for multiple categories as it has to do with “switching” both in the relationship sense (or power exchange) as well as their role in scenes or play

The way people identify with those titles varies from person to person. There is no “one way” or “true way” to be involved in the BDSM lifestyle; the same is true for personal identity when it comes to others telling you how you should identify. Do what works best for you.

Lastly, take everything you hear, read, see, etc. with a grain of salt. Question everything. If something doesn’t seem right, walk away. You always have the right to say “no.” Always.

Coming up next: Common Terms and Phrases in BDSM

Stay positive!