Now that we’ve covered the basics of BDSM,
what are some common terms one might hear in the lifestyle?
A Scene, or Play, is when two or more people are
involved in an activity related to BDSM during a specific time period (usually
anywhere from a few minutes to a couple hours, but rarely longer than that). An
example of a “scene” might be someone giving their partner spankings or tying
them up.
Negotiation is a
conversation (or series of conversations) that happen before play occurs
between two or more people. This is a great time for discussing the things each
of you are interested in, not interested in, or possibly interested in. This is
not the time to try to convince someone to do the things you want to do to or
with them.
Safewords are
commonly used throughout the BDSM lifestyle as an alternative way to say “no”
or “stop.” Why do this rather than actually saying “no” or “stop?” For some
there is an extra thrill to knowing that their “no” might not be valid once
activity starts, but they still need a way to end things (if they do go too
far). This is all discussed before
anything starts, and is in no way a requirement to have a good time. Always be
comfortable in what you’re doing before you take away your default method for getting
help.
Play parties are
parties set up (typically in someone’s home) where people go to spend time with
others in the BDSM lifestyle in a relatively private setting. Usually there is
some furniture available specifically for bondage and other forms of play.
Munches are
vanilla friendly get-togethers for kinky people that are
typically held at some form of restaurant. They serve as a safe meet-and-greet
situation, especially for those new to their local community, where you can get
to know other lifestyle people without feeling pressured to get involved with
any type of play. In some cases the goal is just socialization, but many offer
classes and lead discussions as well as a way to spread announcements for the
local community.
Public dungeons and
other public play-spaces are
businesses that offer safe places for people to engage in BDSM activities.
While the rules for access for each place may be different, typically they
require some form of membership to enter in order to keep within city code
limitations. Most dungeons and public play spaces also offer a variety of classes,
both classroom and one-on-one setting, to help educate their local communities
on a variety of BDSM related topics. They are often also a great place to find BDSM
related toys and equipment available for purchase.
“Play partner” is
the term for people who engage in scenes together, but don’t have an intimate
or d/s (dominant/submissive) relationship outside of that.
Toys are the
implements and items used in various BDSM related activities (such as whips,
crops, canes, and rope). When these items are kept in a suitcase or bag for
ease of being able to carry them, it is called a “toy bag.”
Next up: Types of play!
Stay positive!
